• The holiday was amazing – gorgeously amazing.
• We did nothing except eat, drink, sleep, nap, listen to the iPod, swim.
• Everyone should take an Island holiday – they really do have a very special place in the world.
• Island people are tres friendly.

Things which they forget to mention, and you forget to think about in your excitement:

• The holiday is for a limited time – and you’re going to come home.
• There will be 1 million kids on the flight, it will be hectic, and busy – even though it is a 3 hour flight, it is going to feel worse than a European flight.
• Island holidays are extreme. It’s extremely impossible to order a cocktail at 12:05 and roll over for a nap once you’re home.
• You will be depressed once you get home.
• There is language issues… the taxi driver will make your life hard.. and ‘Port Lois for shopping’ will make him take you to every family member he has who has a shop for shopping THERE.

Things which i’ve realised about taking an Island holiday.

• Going with a girlfriend is nice, and it’s fun. Bless BT – But Island holidays make you want sex.
• A lot.
• While you’re lying at the pool warm in the sun, feeling lazy and content. You imagine the feeling of a hand on your thigh… or someone to lead you into the pool, and touch your inappropriately while no one seems to watch.
• When you stand in the 12 man shower – just before dinner… You imagine someone standing behind you, his hands cupping your breasts.
• When you have a few glasses of wine with dinner…walking back to the room, you imagine walking with someone…making a stop at the beach on one of the loungers…

*sigh*

Off to find a boy to take with her to the Islands…

I have… 5 vibrators.

8 if you count the three new SDN ones. Which i am not allowed to keep.

That’s FIVE.  5 vibrating sex toys. Sexual stimulation devices.

There is the Original Snorkle – my first SSD[sexual stimulation device]. Bought at a Hens party i hosted when i was a bridesmaid for teh second time in 6 months. It was an exciting purchase. A liberating purchase. And a toy that went with me to London.

The second SSD – shame… was bought PURELY for aesthetic purposes. It never quite got to the status of a nick name. Just goes to show… looks only get you so far… But it is cute. It was bought on *that* night of the under age crotch watching event. Which may or may not…  be the very first post in this blog.

The next SSD… would be BP – the much loved, already on its second set of batteries Vibrator. BP was given to me by a BP* in fact. BP is Big and Pink… and is a perfect vibrator.

The wireless egg of that month comes in at number four. This i bought, for the above mentioned BP. For another SDN in fact. The night that *that* thing was crossed for *that* list.

AND then… number 5. If you might remember, a while ago i went mental wanting one, winning one in a competition. I offered many a bribe. But it seemed she was not biting. I broke down, and as any liberated woman – i bought one for myself. the OhMiBod. aka OMB.

Right so. There are also the 3 which i only have visitation rights too… One is similar to one of mine, but not wireless, one doesn’t require batteries. And one well… pushes those earlier mentioned boundries.

Naturally the first thing that pops into ones mind is… Jesus that’s excessive. Along with the visual of a woman on a bed surrounded by 8 sex toys doing unmentionally things to herself.

This is not particularly true. For obvious reasons. Two of the 8 have dead batteries, and three of the 8 are not in my posession. Closer to the actual point i wanted to make – I should really get rid of two of the toys.. as these days i only ever use the New MOST AMAZING OhMiBod** & BP, So, naturally the snorkle and other once should get the toss… but i find myself emotionally tied to these toys.

Is this strange?

*Boy Person

**Boy ‘o boy… do i have a story for you on that topic!

Of course not in the way in which would assist my cause, rather because the houseguest aka Crazy Uncle Stanley wears hearing aids. Is it possible that the snorkel could interfere with the hearing aid frequency?!

Honestly – the thought didn’t last much longer as I was distracted by a text message. But thinking about it right now – there does seem to be this strange ‘scream’ like sound every now and again from the old chaps ears.

Could the Snorkel be responsible?!

*Name changed to protect the innocent