I’ve heard it said before when one person in a relationship “Checks out of the relationshop”…they’re “there” but not really. And at that point.. it all over. Things should ened right there and then.

Well i’ve checked out of this phase in mylife. I’m here…but not really really…silly pointless time wasting things* are what hold my attention atm. And as exciting as that is Monday through Tuesday.. wednesday i’m bored and somewhat unfulfilled with that.

My first instinct is to move… town/country/continent – but that’s not the issues… I love where i live, i’m a joburg girl, my family is here.. and i just bought that fucking car… So, moving location is pretty much not it.

It’s work.. of course it is… I’ve known for this for about a year now. I think for the first part of the year, i made a good show of forcing myself… but now.. i’m out.

Checked out.

Time to move along.

But where.. what.. how… This zone albeit unfulfilling is quite damn comfortable and requires minimal effort…as i sit here and type this at 1:11pm on a tuesday sitting in the sun.

*My 365 project, underwear, my car, my blog, my social life… of course not the men who entertain me.. you are in no way silly and pointless… You’re generally sexy and interesting.

Courtesy of 1 x rottweiler.

It’s suggestive, doesn’t say much… but i know where this is going.

Touching myself as i respond… my hands tracing my cunt, slow and lazy. I press send and concentrate on my cunt; pressing harder with my palm, spreading my lips slightly.

The phone buzzes… responding to the message, my fingers now wet – finding their way to my lips, i lick… taste… and tell you how i taste.

My hand now back between my legs… i slide a finger into my cunt. I’m wet… it feels so good.

Lying there thinking… wanting your cock… i wondered where my vibrator was… I glance across the room to my panties drawer, my eyes fall on a bottle of moet.

Hmmmm.

The thought has my cunt soaked, my nipples hard… And i know the sight would have your cock bursting.

I tell you i want to show you something….

I reach for the bottle… it’s cool. I contemplate what i’m about to do as i slide it against my cunt. Up and down… my wetness spreading along the head of the bottle.

I feel my anticipation growing… pressing the cool head against my clit, i moan and press my hips up, rubbing myself against it. I can’t wait anymore… I slide the head of the bottle into my cunt.

Slowly at first… and then harder.

Forgetting about the response to you….. i slowly fuck myself with the bottle…. lying there pressing it into my cunt, thinking of you… watching, stroking your hard cock as your watch me fuck myself, harder and harder…

My mind on my cunt… stretching around the bottle. My cunt tightening around the bottle…. i can’t anymore… as i let go of the bottle… my legs wrap around it…. and i feel my self cumming.

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Hmmm… this is a tough on – as it varies from day to day… moment. Today it would have been the cuntface who just kept on driving as I was reversing out a parking.

Yes. Himher will do.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Ummm… I’m really not that negatively excited about music. It’s like art… there no such thing as bad art… just differing tastes.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

God this thing is violent… Hmmm… punch in the face. Nope, no one.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

Cambert maybe…or brie… there’s a few.. I’m quite partial to a cheese platter. In fact, I think it makes a pretty good meal.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Ummm… I’m going to have to go with… Ah I know – when I was in high school, the tuckshop made what they called a “salad roll” which was a whole wheat roll, with chicken mayo, lettus, tomato, cucumber on it. It was that good I still remember it. Actually now that i’ve grown up – it might just be Camembert and fig preserve on rye.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

I have to tell you… there might be a great deal wrong with me as a woman – I really don’t have crushes. As in celebrities that I’d just give my left nipple to see/meet/kiss/fuck. I seriously can’t think of one right now. I think it might have to do with the short attention span. As sure – I think they’re hot, I can appreciate good looking men. But I never remember.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

As above

Altho I have a theory regarding men who sing… when a man sings, it does something to a woman. Talks to her hormones… her veejayjay, looks don’t really come into it.

Case in point – Brian Adams.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

If I stumbled upon a hundred buckeroonies… I’d have about R800 rand. Hmmm… A new dermologica moisturiser? Altho it might just go into my purse and get lost in the fund that is living expenses.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Hmmm… right this very moment. Somewhere with white beaches, and cocktails and hammocks.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Buy cocktails?

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

Oh that’s easy… I’ll take wine. Red and white.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

I have absolutely no idea… oh wait I do – I’d go back to every moment that seemed interesting and/or fun and make sure I had a fucking camera with me.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Hmmm… Mondays are optional.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

Huh?

15.What is your favorite curse word?

Fuck…sometimes cunt when referring to someone.

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Go back to sleep as clearly they’re not doing much.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?

I’d have to go with My Laptop, iPhone and photo albums.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Ummm…. Seduce him.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

I can read minds of course… And yes I know you think I’m amazing reading this blog… Don’t worry – I think you’re pretty cool for reading it.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Definitely when I won the nobel peace prize

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Well isn’t that just airing dirty laundry in public. Nosie fuckers.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?

Hong Kong

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

The one down town?

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?

Ummmm…. My 12 year old cousin.

PS – he is in fact a lie, I don’t have any cousins.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Stig Larson

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

All of them? How can I pick? This is like asking for a favourite child.

27. What’s your theme song?

The one playing on the radio right now. In Hong Kong.

Taking a long drag of his two apples flavoured hubbly… All my mother will let him smoke these days…

He says to me “I’ve read stuff you’ve written”. At this point I blush, remembering the erotic lit incident of ’07.

He takes another drag…”You need to remember all the shit that happens around here. And one day you’re going to write a book.”

I look at him, and I almost admit that I keep a blog for this very reason…

10 Jan 2010. So far, we survive.

But to me, the idea of being all alone at home, just myself… my book, a little skinny dipping, a little reading, a little end of the year blogging, a glass or two of wine… was just fabulous.

Lying in the pool on a lilo*, with my book, the little geeky book light, a class of wine – watching the full moon was quite stunning.

A perfect beginning to 2010

*What i fail to mention is, twice if fell off the fucking lilo – as i totally under estimated the slipperiness of my naked bum vs the wet lilo. I had a good laugh at myself – that too is a good way to start the new year.